How Much Of An Age Gap Is Too Much When Dating?

At Linx, we really don’t match young clients with “old” clients, although there are a couple of examples like this. Historically a lot of matchmakers will focus on older men and matching them to their bevy of young women. Huge age gaps can happen like 20 to 35 years plus in difference. Is that a bad thing? For many, age is just a number and relative in the grand scheme of life. If chemistry is there, why should age be part of the debate of being together or not?

Most of our successful matched couples tend to be less than 10 years apart in age. There’s more in common, more similar life experience, pop culture, music, politics, the list goes on. Creating a strong foundation is what we specialize in at Linx and a lot of that comes from getting to know each client during their interviews with us. So many people crave someone who is going to “get” them and much of this comes from shared experiences in life- education, similar family background, occupation, etc.

Society, depending on culture and location can either turn the other way when age differences are so apart, embrace it, or confront it. I’d be curious to hear your take on how much is too much when its comes to the age gap and dating.

I once dated someone 30 plus years older. It definitely did not go over well with my father. He absolutely would not tolerate another minute of it. My mom thought the guy I was dating was super cool and interesting- he was- but I had to call it quits because it just became plain awkward and uncomfortable the more I thought about it. When my father called into question this situation, it shed light on (at least for me) how strange others might perceive it as well. I guess I grew uneasy with the whole thing too.

A lot of people would have stood their ground, declaring no one can get in the way of true love. Good thing for me, this wasn’t “a love”, instead a really interesting guy to date at a time in my life when exploring these things was what I needed.

Sometimes we need to do something out-of-the box, a little naughty, against the grain, and just do it for our OWN experience. Sure I knew it was definitely different when I first accepted a date from him. It felt exhilarating, sassy, unconventional, and school girl-ish. The month or so of dating him was a grand time; old school courtship, flowers, champagne, gifts, lovely meals, and being driven home. There is something to what it means to be a gentleman and be treated like a lady. Although he wasn’t for me, it was a lot of fun!

Zee Creep Who Knows A Little Too Much

We’ve all been there, I’m pretty sure of it. On a first date where that guy or that girl aka “zee creep who knows a little too much” has done their due diligence on you thanks to the world wide web, or simply put zee internet.

I‘ll admit, when I was out there dating, it was so the temping to pull up what seemed for some of these guys to be archive, after archive, of pure fabulous deliciousness DATA. I wasn’t one of those who mentioned these things on my dates, ok maybe once or twice, but more “that girl” who knew a fair amount about him and sort of nodded my head as she shared about growing up in the south, attending so and so school, and getting this first job at fill in the blank– simply cause I already knew. Geez! So I learned over the years that maybe that isn’t such a great thing to do after all and take pleasure in knowing less.

I tell my clients to not Google one another and definitely don’t FB your dates. I could write countless blog posts about it but a little mystery when dating is a really good thing and important. Case in point, why we don’t give last names anymore and try to keep much of the actual introduction totally private, under the mantra of less is more. 

Too much information exists for people to read about who they are going out with. Some people happen to be really good about not having an “identity” on the internet and others can’t help it. Either the nature of their job, tags in photo sharing sights, the list goes on. Try not Googling your date ahead of time and keeping the experience to be as bling date as it can get. Maybe you will feel more nerves walking into the date with less information. On the other hand, maybe it’s best that you don’t know everything out there, including the photos of his or her ex smothered all over FB.

Dating is a Skill

We do a lot of date coaching at Linx. This week I am coaching a young tech exec who has it all going on. He lacks long term relationship experience and as a result,  he second guesses himself.

 Dating is a skill.  Even the most experienced daters need practice, and practice makes perfect.  A lot of people dread the idea of going out on dates- what to say, what to wear, what if there is an awkward silence, what if within 5 minutes you know that he isn’t for you?!? Instead of panicking, we teach our students and clients to  look forward to dating, seeing it as an enjoyable and fun experience through a wide range of techniques held in the privacy of our offices.

One technique is about developing sound bytes for dates.  Sound bytes are short, colorful, positive “clips” about yourself that you can share on dates – it can makes things more fun and effortless.

The key is to inject PASSION each time you use your sound byte on a date.  One sound byte for anyone reading this is to come up with a colorful and short clip about your relationship history. Out of a 10 year relationship that went sour?  Dating after divorce?  Perhaps not had a long-term relationship in years?

Everyone of us has a story and the way you spin it adds zest, color, and excitement on your date. Why dwell on the negativity of why it didn’t work? Instead, I want each of you to think of one of the major reasons why you ended up with that person. He was so smart or she was seriously the most caring girl ever! 

When asked about your last relationship, press “play” in your head as you are about to use your relationship history sound byte. Keep it SIMPLE and SHORT.

Then the KEY is to bring it back in the moment, focusing on who you are out with.

Watch exactly how I would do it….

Him, “When was your last relationship?”

Me, “My last relationship was around 2 years ago, it lasted about 6 months. The thing that attracted me to him was he was really smart. It’s kinda hard to find those people who are seriously wicked smart. I think that’s why I’m actually really excited to get to know you tonight! Mike said you are a NYT crossword champ ;)” 

Him (secretly in his head), I think I am seriously in love with this girl stroking my ego….ahhh.

See how easy that is? Why would you elaborate about how he cheated, how she failed to tell you about her serious debt, how she this, how he  that?  No one wants to hear this. I repeat NO ONE.

If you feel you are one of those TMI (too much information) types on dates, I implore you to get a rubber band. That’s correct a rubber band. Wear it on your wrist and SNAP yourself if you fall into your bad habits when on your dates.

Him, “Do tell me about your last significant relationship.” 

Me, “Oh goodness, where to start! Well, it all went downhill one day when….”

SNAP the freakin rubber band already. It hurts right?

Good, that’s what I thought!  A reminder to keep it simple and to the point in the early stages of dating. Although your date might be smiling out of politeness, one one know what he or she is thinking.

Why not increase your chances of finding love by preparing yourself. Developing a sound byte for your relationship history is just one aspect we focus on here at Linx. Ask us your date questions any time!

CNET Interview

Silicon Valley Culture

This once-in-a-lifetime success on such a grand scale is so completely unique for those in the Bay Area and specifically, Silicon Valley. Moreover, our Facebook and tech clients at Linx Dating are so down-to-earth and extremely private and this is just as attractive or more so than the quantitative wealth outcome.

The culture of the Silicon Valley, and companies like FB, do not encourage “showing off” wealth like some might envision. People here (regardless of their net worth) are simply low key. Newly minted millionaires and seasoned entrepreneurs don’t really talk about it. Sure, they might drive a fast new car but most are still wearing the t-shirts, jeans, and famous “hoodie” ala Zuck or black turtleneck ala Jobs.

In Palo Alto, anyone on any given day can walk down the street and rub shoulders with a ka-zillionnaire and never know it! The flash and excess doesn’t happen here on a level that some might think. The guy or girl you pass and lock eyes with on Hamilton Avenue leaving the popular Creamery for lunch could be the next big thing but you most likely will never know. They fade into the distance and head back to work to tinker away and code deep into the night.

In the Valley, you have these incredibly bright super star entrepreneur women and men focused on the next big thing, stocking their money away intelligently and figuring out how to create their next fortune. The VCs come piling in, offering term sheets, and currently there is so much cash flowing in the Valley with all the deals that it is THE time for a entrepreneur to hit the ground running and seize their dream.

When these successful young entrepreneurs and techies are out and about socializing, they often don’t mention where they work. If they did mention “FB”, “Zynga”, “Google” etc, so many people would anchor to that, fixate, and then it can become a slippery slope of ‘how many stock options do you have’, ‘how long have you been at the company’ ‘ what is your company’s exit’ and so forth. Instead, most will just “be”, hang within a trusted circle of friends they already know over beers at The Old Pro and if meeting a stranger will be the last to brag about options or wealth.

Importantly, it isn’t just the men who are making the $. We see so many incredibly successful females of all ages (lots of 20 somethings to 60s) who have “made it” coming into our Menlo Park offices. These women desire a guy who is with them for the right reasons, who might have a similar net worth where it simply isn’t an issue and when each respective person’s net worth is equal, it dissipates any possible tension and creates a neutral playing field. A situation where they don’t have to worry and instead focus on really getting to know one another.

Enjoy this video from CNET wanted-a-single-facebook-millionaire

This Weeks Extraordinary Clients | Are You A Match?

What a whirlwind last few weeks for Linx! From filming for an upcoming CBS News story, doing countless new client interviews, and just yesterday meeting with a male client to plan a special princess proposal for his soon-to-be fiancé. I’ve gotten word on quite a few Linx couples happily coupled up- traveling the world together and putting vulnerabilities on the table as they discuss marriage.

We have so many exceptional new clients to read about high level. See if you or anyone you know might be that needle in a haystack match for them.

Client one

If you like the idea of meeting a Silicon Valley geek who is accomplished (yet super humble), witty, social, loyal, and passionate…you’ve potentially found your match. He’s 35, Caucasian, 5’10”, shaved head, sexy, and super fit. He works for a great tech company designing computer chips, never married, and considers himself agnostic.

He’s a film buff with a fondness for independent cinema, though he enjoys everything from a well-crafted blockbuster to an enthralling documentary.  Passionate about music, he not only has thousands of albums and greatly enjoys attending concerts, but has also played guitar since he was a teenager.  He loves driving performance cars, whether it’s carving up winding mountain roads or pushing the limit on the racetrack.

This gentleman is an uncomplicated guy, genuine and honest and not interested in playing games.  He was born and raised in the Midwest, so he has a bit of that Midwestern charm and kindness toward others – he’s always willing to bend over backwards to help out friends and family.

His match is 25-37 max,  petite or slender, 5’3″-5’5″, active, and loves to rock the cute t-shirts and jeans versus always doing herself up. She’s social, very playful, will appreciate his dark/wicked sense of humor, conversationally smart, and definitely quirky.

Client Two

Our next featured client is an early 30’s gentleman who was born overseas. He’s incredibly athletic , cute, and clean-cut. He is very well educated (including a post graduate degree from a top university) and works in an academic setting as an exec.

He has an intense, competitive and serious professional side but he is also very friendly, warm and curious. Growing up overseas  and then living in Paris definitely gives him a distinctive view of life.

His ideal match is 23-32 years old, slender, very feminine, yet natural. She is intellectual, talented, persistent, passionate, humorous, and has an international background as well. Icing on the cake is Jewish and open-minded.

Client Three

She’s a giving, loyal, sweet, and very fit early 30’s mother of two who is a gorgeous mix of Caucasian and Asian. She is 5’6″, stylish, and has a perfectly toned yoga body.

She’s super active (loves hiking), cosmopolitan (enjoys exploring new restaurants in San Francisco), social (hosting parties and cooking), and deeply nurturing  (spending quality time in any way with friends, family and her kids.)

Her match is early 30’s to mid 40’s, taller, darker hair,  and maybe has light eyes. He’s social,  adventurous, has a quiet confidence,  “a good guy”, family oriented, and intelligent. Icing on the cake is Jewish and in touch with his faith.

Client Four

He’s carved an incredible path for himself career wise and has achieved so much for only being in his late 20’s. Educated at Stanford and working for one of the hottest tech companies around, he’s super humble and if anything considers himself lucky to work with such smart co-workers.

He’s a total guy’s guy type who loves good country music, Stanford and 49ner football (season ticket holder) searching for the perfect  burger, entertaining for friends, shooting guns on occasion, and sticking to a regular and disciplined workout regimen.  This gentleman is Catholic (although not religious), loyal to the core, very successful, private, easy-going, and quite shy.

His match is a 22- 30 years old, petite w curves, up to 5’6″, feminine with a cute face and nice sense of style. She’s social, very sweet, intellectual, bubbly, mature, a good communicator, and affectionate in a relationship. Although young, she is ready for a serious commitment to a protective and loving man.

Client Five

She’s an attractive Caucasian lady who is mid 40’s, 5’4″, very stylish, and polished. She has pretty long brunette hair and a feminine, fit physique. She works in technology holding an exec role and is finally starting to focus on her personal life and dial back long work hours in the hopes of achieving balance.

She’s sophisticated and yet down to earth – very comfortable in elegant, luxury settings as well as relishes in the simplest things like a meaningful conversation, a bubble bath, or a  glass of wine after a long day.  She always seems to be thinking of others and leads her life with no hidden agendas or games.

Her leading guy is 40’s to early 50’s, 5’9″ and up, and clean cut. He’s confident and calm from within, supportive, witty, arrives with some battle wounds from various relationships, and lives his life with high integrity. The way to her heart is through old-fashioned courtship, so if you enjoy chivalry and understands what it means to be a gentleman, this is a great match for you.

Searching for the Dream Bachelorette!!

We are elated to announce our latest summer VIP search for a 32 year old bachelor searching for his match.

The story of our client’s life, to date, has been about striving for greatness – academically, physically and professionally. As we all know, timing is everything in life (especially when it comes to truly being ready for a serious relationship and marriage) and, for our client, this is ‘his time’ to find the love of his life! As such, Linx is conducting a search on behalf of this extraordinary guy, who has enlisted our services to help him find his dream girl… the one in a million, the needle in a haystack, the perfect match. Are you that girl? 

We will be hosting a series of confidential, in-person interviews for qualified candidates July 10th, 11th and 12th 2012 at the luxurious St. Regis hotel in San Francisco. If you contact us and qualify, you will be invited to meet the matchmaker, Amy Andersen, in the comfort of our private suite where you can learn more about the bachelor and we can determine if you might be the perfect girl for him. This process is 100% private – anything you share will remain strictly confidential – so there’s no risk in contacting us if you’re interested. 

A bit about him…

Our client is Caucasian, 6’0”, very athletic, handsome and stylish. He’s educated from one of the top universities in the country and is a seasoned, successful Silicon Valley entrepreneur whose passions include travel, dining, skiing, adventures, his siblings and family. He was raised Christian but isn’t very religious.

Aside from his intelligence and achievements in business, our client is fundamentally a genuine and caring person with no secret agendas. He’s extremely loyal and loving to those in his inner circle, has strong family values, and is very outgoing. He loves living the city life in San Francisco and unwinds on the weekends by brunching, hiking, traveling, bbq’ing and going out with friends.

You might be wondering why such a young guy would engage a firm like Linx to help him locate his future Mrs.? It’s simple, really. He works long hours as an executive, would never date a colleague, doesn’t do online dating, and the bar is high for what he is looking for. With limited free time, trying to navigate the dating waters for the right match isn’t easy.  

Who our bachelor is looking for…

You are between the ages of 24 and 30 years old and are based in the Bay Area. Physically you are between 5’3” and 5’11”, slender and sexy. Our client is extremely fit and requires a girl who is in‐shape, lean, and takes care of herself. He’s most drawn to a feminine, classic beauty, combined with plenty of self‐esteem and confidence. Dressed up, dressed down, you’re always natural and comfortable in your own skin.

Growing up, you were raised with strong values, manners, and respect for others. You are grounded in who you are, you lead your life with integrity and you’re a total class act. You are positive, supportive, and full of energy.

Education has been paramount in your life, to date. Whether you’ve applied it in business or otherwise, you are ambitious in your endeavors. Perhaps you’ve lived abroad and have a passport full of stamps or maybe you volunteer on the weekends… regardless, you are passionate about what you do.

Friends would describe you as compassionate, social, witty, and fun. Even more importantly, you are known to be caring and kindhearted to all. Your ex’s might describe you as a little sassy, but also affectionate and a total sweetheart. You’ve always been open and honest, even in relationships that didn’t work out.

You are a non‐game player, good with communication, self‐reflective, know what you want, and are ultimately ready to meet the love of your life. 

If you feel that you are a strong match for our bachelor or know somebody who might be, please email amy@linxdating.com and submit a short bio of yourself including recent photos. There are ZERO fees for this opportunity. Everything regarding this process – including all of the information you provide – will remain strictly private and confidential.