​Gentlemen, is your game on point?

Confident or arrogant? What she thinks.

We all know there is a very fine line between the two and I’d like to share some of what I’m hearing from our female clients and friends of Linx.

Sure, women are visual but probably not as visual as you think especially in comparison to their male counterparts (generally speaking). When it comes to external appearance, education, profession and interests; every woman has their “head turner” and sweet spot attributes but what I hear consistently what they desire in a match is confidence.

What I’ve learned is that there really is no right or wrong “technique” when it comes to being confident in regards to dating. Often it’s worth thinking about the less obvious ways to “appear” confident including doing things you wouldn’t normally do (or are fearful of) – when dating.

We suggest getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things; such as going dancing (even if you have 2 left feet), karaoke-ing, or a cooking class (even if your idea of cooking is the Whole Foods salad bar). Women find it very sexy when a man can own up to the things in which he “can’t do” but tries anyway with charisma and has fun doing so. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really care how he looks. He can be that goofball guy and laugh at himself in the process. That is uber sexy! He doesn’t have to be the show-off guy or know-it-all, instead he can admit that he’s never picked up a microphone to karaoke or diced a legume in his life.

Another key to being confident is just really being yourself (maybe too obvious?) Perhaps you haven’t been on a date in a very long time, you aren’t sure if you’re dressed appropriately or even talking about the “right” things on the first few dates. Perhaps you have deeper rooted fears related to dating, rejection, approaching,  and socializing. We hear the all too common feedback from a first date in that he grilled her with questions ala interrogation (yikes) or on the flip side seemed wishy-washy about restaurant choices, ordering, and lacked “umph” and gumption on the date. Can’t there be a equilibrium between the two?

Confidence and true success in dating can be achieved by anyone through practice and preparedness (dating is a skill), being authentic, and feeling comfortable in doing so. Women tell us they want a man who has a strength from within, not a guy who masks his weakness by using pickup lines or unwarranted arrogance… genuine and lasting confidence stems from truly being you and feeling good in your own skin.
Once you have a strong understanding of who you are, and believing that you are enough, any insecurities you have regarding dating will fall by the wayside.  When dating, be honest and focus on what you are really seeking in a significant other and be proud of what you bring to the table and simply be you, because she will. Remember women love that guy who isn’t trying to be someone else. He’s funny, a gentleman, has a wide range of interesting date conversation topics ready, and if he is feeling “it”, he asks her out at the end of date 1.  That is confidence in a nutshell.

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