In my quest to understand social dynamics when it comes to dating, it struck me last night at an event how some guys who might not be the hottest dudes score huge points with the ladies when they lead with confidence. It might seem obvious, but it runs deeper and I don’t think it can happen overnight. This learned behavior takes time to master and involves understanding the subtleties. It’s not about peacocking ala “The Game” or taking a Tony Robbins crash course on a step-by-step approach to personal achievement. Instead I think this (for both genders) can become an art of awareness, that translates over to perception and the laws of attraction.
At this event, I couldn’t help but notice one guy was standing in the corner at a party who literally was a spitting image of the late Steve Jobs – granted, a younger Jobs from the early ’90s. Black mock turtleneck, jeans, simple eye wear, and an incredible air of confidence that drew a cluster of women around him for the majority of the night.
Although I didn’t want to stare and be obvious (and the socially awkward one in doing so), I would from time-to-time glance over. I don’t even know if he was talking, nor needed to say much. He stood there at his house party with a conviction in knowing something that perhaps few around him didn’t know. At times he had his arms crossed and looked deep in thought. Perhaps he brought a refreshing Silicon Valley-esque vibe to the very finance sort of crowd. Maybe he is in tech, I probably won’t ever know.
Who was this mystery man and what was it about him that attracted such a group of all different types? I couldn’t help but glance over at another interesting dynamic on a couch. A guy resembling Jeremy Stoppleman from Yelp sat smack in the middle of four women who circled him, similar to Mr. Pseudo-Jobs in the other corner of the room. This guy had a similar energy about him. Seemed all the girls around him did the talking and he would interject at times but didn’t need to say much to keep their attention. Did this Pseudo-Stoppleman have the answers to the mysteries of the universe and know something greater as well?
One could argue that the ratio of men to women was not favorable and thus the natural inclination was for the women either to pod around one guy and make the best of it, or pod off on their own, if they were genuinely interested in catching up with one another instead of trying to be social or “working it.” Sometimes you just don’t feel like working it. It can be exhausting. Maybe one of the secrets to attraction is first to figure out your best physical strength and asset. For the Jobs look alike, maybe after so many people for the last goodness-knows-how-many-years have commented how he looks like the guy, he finally just said to himself in the mirror one day, you know what, we’re gonna make the best of what we’ve got and work it. Embrace the fact that I look like him and use it as a point of conversation – not only as an ice breaker BUT a gateway to talk about passions and interests: technology, Silicon Valley culture, etc.