Day: January 25, 2012

Who Pays the Bill When Dating?

If he asked you out, leave your wallet alone when the bill arrives. If he pauses as he is subtly hinting that you should contribute even though he asked you out don’t offer. If the check is still on the table 5 minutes after the waiter placed it on there and the clock is ticking away and he STILL hasn’t done anything about it, stare at him in the eyes, and ask should we get out of here?  If that doesn’t prompt anything say in the sweetest voice dinner was lovely, thank you for inviting me. If he is not responding, girl he ain’t worth a second date and I wish I could be there to shake him silly like a rag doll!

If you invited him to a meal or any date where there is a transfer of money, you must reach for the wallet. Most guys will not accept you to pay, although in todays modern era and in the land of many self-righteous men, they will let you pay. So whatever. You asked, so deal with it, and do take pride in how nice it feels to contribute. Men on some level and at some point do really like a woman (regardless of her age or how much she makes at work) to contribute. I always think a cute thing is for him to grab the movie tickets but you insist on grabbing the popcorn and soda. Or he gets dinner but you buy the ice cream. Another one is he gets the groceries for your cooking date but you are hosting at your home with your favorite bottle of wine or your homemade chilled cookie dough waiting in the backdrop. It’s pretty much the little things that work and make someone feel appreciated and that you are reciprocating in a genuinely kind way.

First Date Advice on Eating & Drinking

I have no idea what randomly made me think of this particular blog topic- perhaps I am hungry? Maybe it is the last 6 days of my annual January cleanse clearing out my system of all toxins. I think first dates are for any man or woman- mission critical. What you say and do, how much you order and drink can lead to date two or not.

I’ll focus on eating and drinking in the early stages of dating. I remember when I was quite young my mom mentioning to me in passing boys don’t like to see girls eating in front of them. Maybe it was a joke or maybe she was serious. Then again, I have never really asked but it always kind of stuck in the back of my head.

In the early stages of dating, does a female order what she wants on the menu? She’s had a long day, her boss snapped at her, she missed a deadline, dealt with traffic, skipped lunch, her colleague made a pass at her in the elevator, no time for the gym, utterly starving, all she can think about is sleep. Yet like so many of us, she has a date with a guy she’s never met and needs to grab a cab to meet him and not cozy up on the couch with ABC’s The Bachelor on instead.

Being confident is one of the most attractive traits to a man in his quest to find his dream girl. Although you might secretly crave the steak au poivre et pommes frites, side of gourmet mac n cheese, and the chocolate mouse for dessert, it is time to evaluate things.

My recommendation is to always have a quick snack of something before any date so you aren’t famished. Munch on some almonds, sip some coconut water, that sort of thing. A little sustenance and energy is a good thing before meeting anyone for the first time- let alone a date. At dinner don’t just order a side salad as guys don’t like that and don’t opt for the most expensive thing either. Never say “I’m watching my weight or I’m on a diet” as it is way TMI. If you are seriously wanting the pommes frites, go for it, but suggest the two of you split and enjoy together.

You should exercise caution by drinking too much. It can be so tempting so have a cocktail before dinner, two glasses of wine during your delightful conversation, and then he asks you out for a nightcap. The best rule of thumbs for drinking alcohol is after one glass, have a glass of water and keep it at two glasses max. Plus he is a different weight than you and can tolerate more in many cases.

I’m a huge believer in ordering dessert in fact it happens to be on my Linx Dating Strategy Guide that clients get when they receive a Linx match. I suggest ordering something rich, chocolately, gooey and to indulge in the senses. Share, take turns, and enjoy! Nothing is more sensual and sexy!

I recently heard about a first date where the female who is quite uncomfortable with dating in general finds herself relaxing from drinking something while on a date. Seems totally normal to hear this expect she shared that her date doesn’t drink in general and seemed lost at what to do considering she gets a lot of anxiety around early stage dating and what feels like superficial chit-chat. At the Italian restaurant the waiter came by and her date declined ordering a drink. We’ve all been in a situation like this  where there is that brief moment thinking to yourself do I do what I want to or do I adhere to what my date is doing…maybe he has some issue with drinking I don’t know about?! My dating advice is to ask your date if it is OK if you may order a glass of wine and limit it to one, if you must, two, and that is it! If you date is uncomfortable that you ordered or you can sense something is weird and wine is an important part of your life, you both are not compatible most likely from a lifestyle aspect.

If you have been on a date where he is drinking too much, making you uncomfortable, making passes at you, or in any way insulting you or people around you, get up and excuse yourself. You don’t need to tolerate anyone like this and frankly you know in your heart it wouldn’t be going anywhere anyway so why stay and suffer? Some people get out of control and since they might be anxious daters or frankly asses, they do whatever they want and assume you are OK with it since you accepted a date. Absolutely not! Get up, grab your purse, smile, walk out. Who cares!