Month: January 2012

Who Pays the Bill When Dating?

If he asked you out, leave your wallet alone when the bill arrives. If he pauses as he is subtly hinting that you should contribute even though he asked you out don’t offer. If the check is still on the table 5 minutes after the waiter placed it on there and the clock is ticking away and he STILL hasn’t done anything about it, stare at him in the eyes, and ask should we get out of here?  If that doesn’t prompt anything say in the sweetest voice dinner was lovely, thank you for inviting me. If he is not responding, girl he ain’t worth a second date and I wish I could be there to shake him silly like a rag doll!

If you invited him to a meal or any date where there is a transfer of money, you must reach for the wallet. Most guys will not accept you to pay, although in todays modern era and in the land of many self-righteous men, they will let you pay. So whatever. You asked, so deal with it, and do take pride in how nice it feels to contribute. Men on some level and at some point do really like a woman (regardless of her age or how much she makes at work) to contribute. I always think a cute thing is for him to grab the movie tickets but you insist on grabbing the popcorn and soda. Or he gets dinner but you buy the ice cream. Another one is he gets the groceries for your cooking date but you are hosting at your home with your favorite bottle of wine or your homemade chilled cookie dough waiting in the backdrop. It’s pretty much the little things that work and make someone feel appreciated and that you are reciprocating in a genuinely kind way.

First Date Advice on Eating & Drinking

I have no idea what randomly made me think of this particular blog topic- perhaps I am hungry? Maybe it is the last 6 days of my annual January cleanse clearing out my system of all toxins. I think first dates are for any man or woman- mission critical. What you say and do, how much you order and drink can lead to date two or not.

I’ll focus on eating and drinking in the early stages of dating. I remember when I was quite young my mom mentioning to me in passing boys don’t like to see girls eating in front of them. Maybe it was a joke or maybe she was serious. Then again, I have never really asked but it always kind of stuck in the back of my head.

In the early stages of dating, does a female order what she wants on the menu? She’s had a long day, her boss snapped at her, she missed a deadline, dealt with traffic, skipped lunch, her colleague made a pass at her in the elevator, no time for the gym, utterly starving, all she can think about is sleep. Yet like so many of us, she has a date with a guy she’s never met and needs to grab a cab to meet him and not cozy up on the couch with ABC’s The Bachelor on instead.

Being confident is one of the most attractive traits to a man in his quest to find his dream girl. Although you might secretly crave the steak au poivre et pommes frites, side of gourmet mac n cheese, and the chocolate mouse for dessert, it is time to evaluate things.

My recommendation is to always have a quick snack of something before any date so you aren’t famished. Munch on some almonds, sip some coconut water, that sort of thing. A little sustenance and energy is a good thing before meeting anyone for the first time- let alone a date. At dinner don’t just order a side salad as guys don’t like that and don’t opt for the most expensive thing either. Never say “I’m watching my weight or I’m on a diet” as it is way TMI. If you are seriously wanting the pommes frites, go for it, but suggest the two of you split and enjoy together.

You should exercise caution by drinking too much. It can be so tempting so have a cocktail before dinner, two glasses of wine during your delightful conversation, and then he asks you out for a nightcap. The best rule of thumbs for drinking alcohol is after one glass, have a glass of water and keep it at two glasses max. Plus he is a different weight than you and can tolerate more in many cases.

I’m a huge believer in ordering dessert in fact it happens to be on my Linx Dating Strategy Guide that clients get when they receive a Linx match. I suggest ordering something rich, chocolately, gooey and to indulge in the senses. Share, take turns, and enjoy! Nothing is more sensual and sexy!

I recently heard about a first date where the female who is quite uncomfortable with dating in general finds herself relaxing from drinking something while on a date. Seems totally normal to hear this expect she shared that her date doesn’t drink in general and seemed lost at what to do considering she gets a lot of anxiety around early stage dating and what feels like superficial chit-chat. At the Italian restaurant the waiter came by and her date declined ordering a drink. We’ve all been in a situation like this  where there is that brief moment thinking to yourself do I do what I want to or do I adhere to what my date is doing…maybe he has some issue with drinking I don’t know about?! My dating advice is to ask your date if it is OK if you may order a glass of wine and limit it to one, if you must, two, and that is it! If you date is uncomfortable that you ordered or you can sense something is weird and wine is an important part of your life, you both are not compatible most likely from a lifestyle aspect.

If you have been on a date where he is drinking too much, making you uncomfortable, making passes at you, or in any way insulting you or people around you, get up and excuse yourself. You don’t need to tolerate anyone like this and frankly you know in your heart it wouldn’t be going anywhere anyway so why stay and suffer? Some people get out of control and since they might be anxious daters or frankly asses, they do whatever they want and assume you are OK with it since you accepted a date. Absolutely not! Get up, grab your purse, smile, walk out. Who cares!


This Weeks Featured Impressive Clients

January has been a tremendously exciting month at Linx with tons of new members joining of all backgrounds and ages. Check out some of our select featured members joining this week and see if you might qualify as a good match. Should you like what you read based on these high level bio descriptions, please write me asap and seize the chance of finding love today, the old-fashioned way. amy@linxdating.com

Our first featured client is a mid 30’s Caucasian renaissance man. He is good-looking, 5’10”, athletic, and fit. Stanford educated and running his own business, as well as, investing on the side, his personality profile is that of a risk-taker, entrepreneur, go-getter, and someone who will always march to the beat of his own drum. He is not a conformer by any stretch of the imagination. His heritage is Italian and he loves the assume the role of the caretaker and alpha male in a relationship. He is strong, extremely quick-witted, and leads his life with passion. He has never been married and looks forward to having a family one day. If you desire an uber confident guy, who loves the good life (amazing wine, lux travel, good dining, cooking, etc), is successful, sharp, and knows what he wants and goes for it with 100% perseverance, he is your guy. It was very obvious to us that he was raised well- with manners and class (this includes being huge into giving back to the community and always thinking of others.)  His dream girl is 28-37 or so, exotic, and super fit/sexy. She is brainy, traditional/yet modern, confident, assertive/strong, and very warm and nurturing. Our client is based in San Francisco. The archetype for this ideal match is Maria Bartiromo.

Our next candidate is an insanely brilliant and pretty early 20’s Persian girl. She is seriously “the whole package.” She has voluminous dark brown hair, 5’7″, and a slender yet curvy feminine body. A former model as a side hobby, she knows how to carry herself with grace, poise, and class. Family values and locating a match who has an excellent relationship with his family is of extreme importance to her. She is Ivy League educated including her masters degree and works in biotech. She excels at everything in her life is not satisfied unless aiming high and dreaming big. Personality wise- she is so sweet, loving, soft-spoken at times, and has a pure heart of gold. We were so impressed that although in her early 20’s, she is so mature and a total class act. Her ideal match is up to 33 years old, Caucasian or Persian, and tall is desired. He places value on looking good, opting for nice tailored clothes versus the Zuckerberg hoodie/ Silicon Valley lax look. Her match is strong yet caring, confident, romantic, and has a high energy level like her. Ideally he is educated at a top school and aiming high in his career (never complacent or ok with the status quo). If you are desiring a perfectionistic, elegant young lady who can hold her own in any situation, is deeply intellectual, and super sexy to boot, email us. The archetype for this match is a Persian prince or young Persian American success story.  

Our next impressive client is a mid 50’s semi-retired woman who oozes a joie-de-vivre and loves life!  She’s had a tremendously successful and well-known career and now with kids out of the home, she’s an empty nester who is looking for companionship.  She is Caucasian, petite,  attractive, and disciplined working out 5 days a week. What seriously struck a positive chord with us is despite her having had such an impressive career where a woman needs to be strong and assertive, she is so warm, down-to-earth, and incredibly loving. Our client leads her life with integrity, Christian, values, and places a huge importance on her friendships and family. Passions include: good red wine, skiing, the beach, art, intellectual conversation (she is Ivy League educated), laughing, fitness, travel, and country music. Her match is first and foremost a gentleman who is up to 64. He is Caucasian, with a rugged, masculine look and warm eyes. Maybe he is a renaissance man like herself and can throw on dusty cowboy boots, kick some dirt around, and drink icy cold beer listening to good music or be confident and interested enough to hold his own at a dinner party. If you want to meet a woman who is genuinely interested in other people, incredibly smart, funny, and a massive overflowing heart filled with love…write us. There aren’t a lot of women like this client in particular. She is a woman to love. The archetype for her ideal match is Bruce Willis or Dennis Quade.

Our final featured client is an early 30’s Chinese American gentleman who is Stanford educated, fit, and ready to find love! He admits that up until this point, work completely consumed him and he has no time for thinking about dating. Fortunately, it is all about timing for guys and this is his time. Having recently sold one company to a public tech company, he is now serving as an exec at a healthcare startup and tinkering with other ideas on the side.  What impressed us with this young client is that with age comes maturity and seeing the “big picture” in life versus being consumed by the material world. His career mimics his mission in life which is to help others less fortunate and help save lives. This global outlook and compassion is what makes his young man so impressive. Beyond these great attributes, he is funny, international, cerebral, and passionate. His dream girl is up to 33 years old, Asian American, innocent looking, and cute. Ideally she is very well-educated (Stanford would be the cherry on top) and is always challenging herself in her professional and personal life. She has a great relationship with mom and dad and cares about her friendships too. She is understanding, patient, and flexible- largely as our client splits his time between the Bay Area and China. If you are looking for a guy who is a non-game player, loyal to the core, and ready for something serious…this is your match. The archetype for this match is an older Jessica Mah.

A Commitment phobe is a commitment phobe…..

One of THE most telling signs of a commitment phobe here at Linx is the prospect who just can’t commit to the process. They flake. They can’t grasp driving down to our offices, can’t seem to envision that this is a business and it actually costs money to join, can’t see to process that there is a methodology and they would need to do an application and interview.

The commitment phobe postpones, he/she makes excuses for needing to reschedule, cancels last-minute, and often conjures up some grand story about meeting someone recently and how he/she wants to focus on that person. Did they not read the fine print at the end of the basic screening questions saying

Note, as excited as Linx Dating is to have you as a prospective client, and as much as we encourage you to keep your dating options open as you date casually through other channels, we ask that you NOT move forward with our process if you are dating someone seriously that has a substantial probability of progressing into an exclusive relationship.  This can lead to a waste of everyone’s time.  If you feel that you might fit into this category, please state any details below and we can discuss it.

It becomes a blessing for everyone that the process filters this type out. WHY? Well for one my tell-tale sign is if someone cannot commit to our unique proprietary process of admission, why on earth would they commit to anyone for a relationship let alone marriage. It saves us matchmakers who work tirelessly behind the scenes pretty much 24/7 a lot of grief too.

So remember that a network and company like Linx is the anthesis of a match.com or casual encounter you might have meeting someone at a bar or event. The system weeds out those who can’t fathom that there is a science applied to the art of our very skilled and honed matchmaking. This is for a caliber of men and women who are sick of games, tired of phony types, and crave something real, to the point, and genuine…where everyone is an equal and desiring the same “end goal” as one another. How refreshing. There is no guessing or wondering involved.

Everyone Needs To Sparkle!

A good friend of mine always says “dating is a skill” and requires time, practice, and a good attitude to boot! For someone who has been out of the dating scene for some time, many can forget to turn their flirt switch ON. For a lot of people (especially coming out of a marriage), the flirt switch has been in “off mode” or “nonexistent” mode for years- maybe even decades. Sound familiar?

Getting prepared for dating is a big part of leading up to ultimately meeting the one. Everyone needs to rev up the engines and learn what it means to sparkle and shine in the dating scene. To sparkle is to walk into a room and be at ease with yourself.  In other words, it is to be introduced to someone who is particularly intriguing and do more listening and actually, genuinely show interest in getting to know that person. It is to show whoever you meet that you are passionate about something. You’re skilled at archery, love to dance, just mastered a calligraphy class, are conversational at Italian and are taking a cooking class in Italia this summer since you love to cook! 

There is a magnetism to you. People will be naturally drawn to you. Why? You are confident. You are sexy without saying it. You have a rich and diverse life. You are good at what you do. You are humble and down to earth. You don’t need to get the last word in. You are the whole package. It is this type of person that brings many into their dating net. Why not be prepared to attract all sorts of people into your net and then get to figure out who might be a good match by dating them, getting to know each person, and taking it slow.

The Linx team are highly skilled at getting many professionals all around the Bay Area date ready. If you feel you might benefit from a short crash course at our office, please contact us. We often prep you at the offices and then take you “into the field” to do some real-life put the skills to practice work. We promise it is actually a ton of fun and extremely transformational.

This Weeks Select Featured Fabulous Clients

A quick post to share some high level insights into this weeks featured clients we are meeting with. What an impressive group!

For the highly accomplished and intellectually ravenous guys out there, we met with an absolutely “whole package” “are you kidding me” “WOW” “it girl” today that kicked off a great week. She’s early 30’s, an East Coast transplant whose is huge into world travel, literature, throwing fab dinner parties, family, fun, and any fun to be had. Never one to say no to an invitation, she just returned from a sophisticated and chic adventure in Africa with friends. Our client is Caucasian, blond, has an envious figure, and an incredible sense of style (she lived in Paris after all).  She has a big bubbly and extremely witty personality and is ready to meet Mr Right.  Besides being really feminine and sweet, what blew us away is her poise and comportment. She can hold her own in any- and we mean any situation. Mr Right is intellectual, highly accomplished, funny, charming, and did we mention really smart? She will go up to early 50’s in age. Email us today to see if you qualify to meet this impressive globe trotter who is SF based.

Another impressive client an early 50-something gentleman who is easy on the eyes to say the least. He has a confidence that will make any girl weak in the knees coupled by piercing blue eyes and rocking’ bod from lots of surfing (and he is tall too.)  He’s super successful, well-educated, and is huge into giving back to his community. His philanthropic heart and devotion to meet Mrs. Right has us rooting for an engagement for him in 2012!  He lives his life with a strong moral compass, Christian values (granted not religious per se), and seeks a leading lady to make his life even brighter. His match is 30-40, any ethnicity, slender and fit is key, very feminine, and stylish. His dream girl is poised, classy, smart, and erroring on a little more traditional. His focus is to find his match, get married, and have a family.  Our client is based in Sacramento, although has a pied-à-terre in San Francisco. Email us if you know anyone who qualifies.

Our next client is an early 30’s young lady who models in New York while managing to get her masters at Columbia. Originally from Eastern Europe, she moved to the US with her family over a decade ago. Bright, very articulate, and with high energy she is looking to Linx to help her locate her dreamy Silicon Valley geek. She explains the guys in New York are players or slick and that is precisely why she is willing to do what it takes to find love on the West Coast. She is Caucasian, blond, very pretty, and rocks any piece of clothing she wears. Beyond getting her degree, she is totally willing to relocate for love. Her dream match is Caucasian, nerdy, successful (on the right track and earning his stripes), funny, family oriented, and ready for love. She’s a sweetheart and will balance out an engineer type extremely well. Outgoing and used to be in front of the camera, she is fine being the more social one in the relationship. Email us if you know anyone who makes a good match for this gorgeous girl.

Our final featured client this week is a 50-something divorced gentleman. He is a devoted father to 2 teenagers and when not spending time every other weekend with the kiddos who require his attention and love, he indulges himself by surrounding himself with good friends, dining, nice cocktails, hiking, light travel, and tons of winter skiing. After coming through divorce, he has done a ton of work on himself and understanding every nuance between the genders down to body language. He is deeply analytical, intense at times, successful (close to retirement in a few years), yet really a big sweetheart teddy bear who is seeking a wonderful woman to spend his time with. His match is 40-50 something, petite or slender is a must, feminine, and natural. She is super sporty and loves the outdoors as much as he does- if not more. If you dream of fresh morning powder and a hunky guy to ski with, you might have very well met your match. His match is located in Marin or San Francisco, no exceptions. Beyond this, his dream girl has a good energy about her, is kind, sharp, and has her own thing going on. Ideally she “gets” the major responsibilities of having kids as she has kids too. He would love a partner to commiserate with about being a parent.  Email us to see if you qualify today.

 

Want to Look Your Best? Try the “30 Day Get Out of My Way”

The 30DGOMY weight loss and exercise program is the best of its kind in the Bay Area. The program was developed and is run by Fitness Guru Mark Lipanski (who also conceptualized and ran the ‘6 Week Thinner Winner’ contest for the San Fransisco Chronicle) along with long time professional trainer John Haven. 30DGOMY comes with a complete manual and involves two RAW (Real Athletic Workouts) group workouts a week. Also utilized is the highly effective and easy to do ‘Slow Carb’ eating plan and motivational tools like the photo food journal and ‘fat deposits’. Average weight loss for 30DGOMY is about 10 pounds in 30 days. This is the 4th time the program has been run, with the winner of the last 30DGOMY shedding 14 pounds!

30DGOMY is held at Fitness 101 in Menlo Park. You need not be a member and your entry fee covers a months full access at the club.The first meeting is on Friday Jan. 13 at 6:30pm. Group workouts are held on Monday and Thursday night from 6:30 to 7:30, with the first workout being Monday Jan.16. Cost is $399. As a bonus each participant receives one free month at Mobius Fitness in Redwood City (a $180 value). You can contact Mark at mlipanski@gmail with any questions or feel free to call at 650-833-8294. Sign up can also be done at the front desk of Fitness 101, in person or by phone.

Fitness 101 link:
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Fitness-101—November-Newsletter-2011.html?soid=1101287817852&aid=dB_u2dPE59I

A friend of Linx has done the 30DGOMY and shares….
“I would like to recommend a fantastic weight loss and workout program which is beginning on January 13th and will run 30 days. It’s called the “30 Day Get Out of My Way” challenge. The base for this program will be Fitness 101 in Menlo Park near Marsh Road and Highway 101. Average female clients have lost AT LEAST 9 pounds in this 30 day plan! The program includes daily interaction with trainers, a nutritional plan and two tough workouts (and a weigh-in) every week. It’s super safe, incredibly effective and you get two unbelievable trainers who work really closely with each participant. After the 30 days are over, this is a plan that you can stick with, and use indefinitely. Go for it, and tell Mark and John that Mary Ann said hey.”

Wisdom in matchmaking

I‘ve been doing a lot of thinking lately seeing if I can draw any conclusions about my successfully paired Linx matches. When new clients come into my office they are totally READY to do what it takes to meet the right match. No games, no drama, no wasting time. Our male clients are on a mission. Our female clients have the vision of who their dream matches are. My goal is to help my client from taking a long list of adjectives: gregarious, witty, powerful, cerebral, sporty, private, and domestic and develop a set of CORE criteria to work from. The end result is a real-life witty, well-educated, played sports in college sort of match!

There is really something to be said about no games and no drama. My clients don’t date one another endlessly with no tangible results. People are in this to develop a loving monogamous relationship, that will result in marriage. This is a far cry from all the BS of online dating or those freakish serial daters prowling Chestnut Street and attending all of the city’s social events in search of the skinnier, prettier or on the flip side taller and more successful match.

Countless Linx couples have been matches and paired up very quickly after they start their memberships. Not only has this happened but they get engaged quickly! One couple had their first date last November and got married exactly one year later. Another couple had their first date in March of 2011 and got engaged in July. I am predicting a big year for Linx with a handful (maybe two handfuls) of couples getting engaged. One of my clients said right before he was going to propose, “what more do I need to see or learn from her to know that I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I love her so much. I am so ready, let’s do this!”

If you have been doing the online thing for 6 plus months now and are getting worn-out by the endless morass of email upkeep and dating sort of going nowhere, ponder the possibilities of hiring an exceptional team to take dating to a whole new level. Our approach is quality of quantity and highly condensed “matches on steroids.” They bring to life those adjectives you have in your mind…whatever those dreamy words might be….spiritual, book smart, talented, funny, charismatic, and international.

By the way, I think it is very cute that my husband just read over this blog and described me as an “out-of-control lawn mower” with my grammar. I accept for responsibility for bad grammar. This is writing from the heart after all.