I was having long conversation with an old friend today. We used to live in the Marina district at the same time and were recalling all the sorts of boys we encountered and the endless dating experiences that happened to us. Now married women years later, we are really able to analyze those experiences and look back with some real wisdom we have gained since moving on in our personal lives but also geographically as we were always meant to be out of that ‘scene’ and into the burbs at heart. Funny enough we both ended up moving out of the city and down to the Silicon Valley pretty much at the same time!
One major thing we agreed with is that guys when dating, tend to clump girls into certain mental bucket categories i.e., the fun party girl always up for anything at anytime, the easy girl who will put out any time, the hot lush, the hot pursuit worth chasing, the enigma who is so sexy and mysterious as she is different from the rest, etc.
When you are out there dating, it is critical to step outside of yourself for a while and look at YOU. What I mean by this is, based on what you are wearing, how you are talking, walking, what you are reading, who you are socializing with, and the ways you are behaving how do guys perceive you? A lot of people don’t think about this. They just “are” and well that doesn’t always bode well. Humans are judgmental and in the dating game, you need to play your cards carefully if you are serious about landing Mr. Right. Be a good girl while maintaining your authentic self.
Are you that girl who’s downfall is being too eager after you met that cutie over too many cocktails and a random hazy hookup back at his apartment that you friended him on Facebook the next day? Sadly, I hate to burst your bubble but I bet he has definitely placed you in the “fun easy party girl” bucket and not the “hot pursuit take home to mom” bucket.
If you have met someone you really like play it cool. Men are hunters by nature and like a good chase. Refrain from any behavior where you text him, call him, Facebook friend him, or anything like that. If you are tempted toss your phone across the room and scream really loud! If he suggests an evening date, suggest that the second or third date be a day date and do not drink! Show him the healthy side of you.
You’re sporty, you went to a great school, you are funny, you volunteer, you love your family…and so much more. With dates that just involve boozing it up the whole time, he will never get to see these other really important wonderful sides of who you really are!
You gotta knock his freakin’ socks off with your wide range of skills, smarts, and talents in the dating game. You might disagree but having witnessed this first hand over the years a matchmaker, it really is true. When dating learn to display your entire repertoire of what makes you so fabulous. Get sweaty and go for a hike together, go kayaking and surprise him with an organic picnic, go to a museum, volunteer at a food bank, take a sushi cooking class together, or attend a lecture and then sip exotic teas afterwards. If you don’t pursue any passions and hobbies outside of your job then get a new interest ASAP.
Don’t you want to be the girl he invites home to meet the parents? Then remember a few of these basics:
– Play hard to get and do not chase him, let him chase you!
– Don’t call him (unless you are calling back to accept a date)
– Don’t ever friend him on Facebook till you are exclusive
-Limit your alcohol on all dates with him in the early stages
– Curb your dates to a few hours long (meaning after a great 4 hour date explain you need some sleep…let him beg like a hungry pooch for you to stay out a little longer)
-Be yourself and please be a lady. Guys might be attracted to the easy girl with the ta ta’s out in full force but the tramp doesn’t meet Momma. This means dress appropriately too. Too much skin isn’t good. Bebe is cute for workout gear and that’s about it.
-If he is looking for commitment, he will be patient and respect your desire to not have sex right away. If he pressures you to hook up outside of your comfort zone, he’s just a dirty old bird. Get up and leave with your dignity and respect in check.
-Expand your repertoire. Good guys like smart, interesting, and well-rounded women. If you are uncertain about this, learn a new skill. It could be anything.
-Start entering the wife bucket today with the different men you are dating. Have him drooling for more of you and make him always wonder what you are up to. At the end of the day you are the most desirable girl out there. If you believe that, so will they!