Communication faux pas in the early stages of dating

It’s a delicate balance in the early stages of dating. You want to hear from him and you want to chat with her BUT at the same time, no one wants to come across as too eager.

Have you ever seen the classic movie Swingers? Here is the link to watch it on your own. If you haven’t seen it, watch it now- it’s that painful! http://youtu.be/u0PUrNwvvBk

If you have met someone recently and are eager to call them there is zero need to play games and wait 5 days or not call back to seem ‘busy’ and ‘mysterious.’ On the other hand, you shouldn’t call over and over again if the other person is not calling you back. Who knows that the circumstances are….so just stay calm.

I just got a message from a male client yesterday. He was worried that his match wasn’t into him and had explained that he had called her about 5 times last week and she hadn’t called back. Turns out she was legitimately sick but then started to freak out by the overwhelming amount of calls he was making to her (and they hadn’t even met yet.) He questioned himself and wondered if his voice sounded weird, maybe she wasn’t into his profile, perhaps they were not meant to be. He was so “in his head” and questioning everything- why is the sky blue, how many miles does it take to circumnavigate the earth, are there really unicorns?!

I called him back right away as he sounded rather panicked. In speaking to him he was not only talking over me (pet peeve!) but not listening at all and rambling on and on about how great she sounds. Not only was this becoming a BIG  problem but as friend/therapist/matchmaker/coach/confidant, I couldn’t even get my point across and try to help him.

Finally, when I got a word in edge wise (I realized his anxiety towards dating had really gotten the best of him) and I explained she  was out of commission and sick.  I told him I had chatted with her to make sure everything was OK and highlighted her concern with the number of calls. I told him leaving one message, perhaps two is the absolute maximum anyone should do in the beginning stages of dating. Instead of a barrage of calls, go about your day, focus on other things, and stop getting so caught up in your head and obsessing as to why he/she is not calling back.

First impressions are mission critical and if you keep calling your match, they are going to pull the panic button and not want to meet you. It is creepy and too desperate. No one wants to seem that way. Play it cool in the early stages and once you establish contact, keep your conversations short, sweet, friendly, and simply line up a time to meet casually and in an environment where you can really get to know your date. No one wants to hear about how your day was stressful, how your cat needs its teeth cleaned, or how your ex is a jerk but you are so glad to be on match.com. Be the confident man or woman that you are and simply let nature and fate take its course by keeping things simple. 

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