I am perpetually struck by how important it is to serve as a romantic guide for so many of my couples who progress down the path of getting more serious with their Linx matches. Relationships aren’t easy and neither is marriage. Both take a lot of work and tending to. Communication is so important and I think one of the ultimate tests of a relationship to see if it can really endure a marriage is to experience some sort of major JOLT a few months in.
I just witnessed one of my dear couples hit a major 10.0 quake on the relationship scale and well they broke up. He really hurt her feelings with some pretty terrible accusations and she was absolutely heartbroken. He acted like a jerk and after some very careful reflection and introspection he knew he had seriously messed up. Was their bond salvageable? He called, he wrote, he emailed, begged, and pleaded for her to respond to his apologies.
She called me extremely upset expressing that this was the man of her dreams and she loved him with all her might…how could have he acted like such a fool? We spoke for about an hour on the phone, I expressed my solemn apologies and really felt so bad for the two of them. Having matched them and gotten to witness what a beautiful couple they are and then out of no where him pulling a 180 was pretty upsetting for the two of us. She told me it was over.
I talked him off an emotional cliff and really tried to be understanding and as sympathetic as I could. I listened to him yet knew it was so important to not sugar coat things. I told him in more ways than one that he acted like a real jerk and wasn’t understanding in the slightest of some things she had going on in her life. His actions were arrogant and she might not ever reach out to him again! He knew he really messed up. I guided him along explaining that this was all a very important lesson in his development post divorce. For him to learn from this was about becoming more sensitive and understanding in a relationship and to truly put himself in his girlfriends shoes and try to FEEL how she might feel versus being selfish and being so concerned about HIM and his feelings.
When we thought it was over and had already moved on, she responded to him (amen!) and well now they are back together. He shared with me that their bond is even stronger, better, and that they love each other so much. The rock bottom low and huge JOLT on the emotional highway they experienced a week ago would be the worst they will ever probably go through. If I hadn’t been there to listen, to sympathize, even shed a tear listening to her, and be a trusted friend….the outcome could have been different.
The highs and lows this particular couple will experience moving forward will be “gravy” compared to this. If they hadn’t poured some salt on the wounds, who knows if they would really ever known how powerful and lasting connection their love is.
I know when my now husband and I were dating, he had told himself that he really needed to see me in a wide range of different situations how did I handle stress (thanks babe!), how did I react to uncertainty, how did I handle bad news, and the list went on and on apparently. Of course I didn’t know about this until after he had proposed but it does prove to be a good lesson.
No matter what couples face challenges in life – the highs and lows…it is how you handle these as a couple and tackle them together instead of fleeing or becoming emotionally unavailable. Face the challenge together, open, honestly, and put it all out there on the table and your outcome will be sure to be a better one than not talking about it, caving, or breaking up because it is “too” tough.