I think a common and reoccurring dating hiccup that I see pop up amongst my clients and friends is that many times the conversation on a first date can be extremely one-sided. It happened a couple times recently where I got feedback from a client saying that he was attracted to his match but only if she had asked him a few questions he would have been compelled to ask her out for a second date. Instead he shared it felt like he was a student in a lecture hall and the monologue was not only quite uncomfortable but made him question if she really understands that there is a give and take, a ying and yang, and yes….men want to feel special on dates! My client is not unlike a lot of guys, they want to feel like a king and that their possible queen is interested in their world.
Prepare yourself for a first date by coming up with a list of topics that are safe subjects and have a few clever ones to engage your date- avoid it feeling like an interview or goodness forbid an interrogation – I speak from experience about that! I used to do a lethal combo of talk too much about ME ME ME and then barrage these poor guys with questions where they would just start dripping in sweat from Amy’s hot seat! I learned over time to completely switch my dating game up, make the man feel special, and instead of focusing 75% on me and then the rest with awkward questions aimed at them, focus maybe 25% of me and the rest keeping it light, super flirty, fun, and staying away from conversations of work, finances, religion, and your ex’s!
I recently got feedback from a gorgeous female client who is super desirous and she got bummed out that her date kept talking about his ex girlfriends. She was so disappointed and turned off. No woman and no man wants to hear about your ex’s. Don’t do it, please don’t go there, it is the dreaded place and makes for a total buzz kill scenario. She would have done a second date in the event that the focus was in the moment and on the two of them, not caught up in the romances of the past! The past is the past….and sometimes it ain’t pretty!
I think first dates cause a wide range of nerves and the best way to combat these little buggers is to prepare. Come up with your date topics and areas that are complete no no’s. Always keep your first and second date light, filled with humor, a little sassiness, a handful of mystery, and intrigue. Leave him and leave her guessing and wanting more, more, more…not that they learned everything about you you you on the first attempt.
For good date topics, email me your questions firstname.lastname@example.org